We had tea with the pastor and his wife of a local church we have actually enjoyed attending over the last couple of months. It was a fun open conversation and we shared a lot of stories.
Friday night we realized the anti-biotic wasn’t working for Michael’s bladder infection. So, we got up Saturday morning and went to Urgent care in order to change the medication. Thankfully we didn’t have to go to the ER as the wait in Urgent Care was probably only 15 minutes.
Sunday, the 20th, Michael had his birthday party and we had the neighbors over and a couple of our young friends, and of course Dave and Hope and Hazel and Hazel brought a friend. Michael sat with us and connected with everyone. It was very fun and lively.
The following week Michael felt a bit better but still struggled with side effects from the new antibiotic, AND we had a spur of the moment visit from his sister Linda. She flew up from Long Beach and we picked her up at the airport on Wednesday. We took her to lunch and had lots of long talks. Wednesday night Dave and family came over for a bit. Linda left Thursday evening. It was a great visit, but we were both pretty tired afterwards. Writing this out I realize we had a pretty full week with two emergency visits and lots of friendly visits.
Friday, the 25th, he was finally done with his antibiotic. Saturday, he felt surprisingly well and we went for a short hike in the forested hills of South Eugene. It was unseasonably warm and the sun peered through the leaves. We sat and listened as the warm breezes blew down colored leaves making a soft sound as they hit the ground.
Monday: Michael got another paracentesis and that helps remove abdominal pressure. But Tuesday he felt crappy, nauseous, painful, depressed and spent the day in his recliner, mostly sleeping.
This morning, in the wee hours I realized maybe I am not afraid of death in itself, I do see it as transition and moving on to new realms. But I AM afraid of the process, and suffering of course. But it seems that most of my suffering is what goes on in my mind. And much of this is caused by fear and the “what ifs”: What if I can’t handle the transition? What if Michael drops dead on the floor? What if I am not healthy or strong enough to take care of him?
We just got back from signing Michael up for cremation at a local funeral home. They know so much about this whole process we are going through and just a phone call away. It helped me realize there is a lot of help from beings currently in this material realm (humans, plants and animals) and from the spirit realm, (angels, ancestors and of course Jesus Himself!) and I am not alone, I just have to ask for help. I am confessing my fears and believing to let go and TRUST the wonderful process of evolution and growth and change. The energy of the emotion of fear can be transmuted into trust, patience and peace!
Leave a Reply