A month or so after I began attending church, Mike McGinley and Mary, his fiance, drove me to a “sisters house” in Chula Vista for lunch. On the way I had a premonition that I would meet my future wife. When I first got saved, I promised myself that I would not seek a girlfriend. Partly in reaction to a voice in my head that said, you don’t love God, you’re just going to church to meet girls. And partly because all my attempts to find female companionship were short-lived and one of us always ended up hurt. Still, the premonition had my full attention.
When we arrived at the house, I was introduced to three or four women and each time I thought to myself, no, not this one. A little later I was sitting alone in the living room when a figure came walking down the hallway towards me. It was Sarah. She had German measles so she was staying in her room but curiosity about the new boy drew her out. When I saw her I thought, is she the one? But I didn’t give it much thought after that. I didn’t know her.
The first time I got to spend any time with Sarah and get to know her a little bit was on a date in Tijuana. She was on a date with Jose, I was a chaperone. Jose was a Mexican boy she introduced to church. The church elders permitted her to go if Wookie Van Luen and I went along as chaperones. So she did, and we did. My premonition had faded by that time and I had no romantic feelings towards her, so it was a fun night for me.
Two months later I was living with Wookie and two other guys from church in a small two bedroom apartment above a Volkswagen repair shop. The apartment was a dive and the neighborhood was all commercial and situated near a raised freeway interchange. One night I got home from work late, I didn’t have a ride to church, and I didn’t want to hitchhike. I was depressed so I turned to a familiar ally: a rented table in a pool hall where I could focus on sinking balls and be in the present moment.
I prayed silently while chalking up my cue stick, “God, I know you’re supposed to be all that I need. And I did say no girls. But I’m lonely and I’d like a wife.” A heavyness lifted off of me. I was being honest. I believed God He answered my prayer right then and there. There is a wife for me. Now I just have to find her.
And so I started paying closer attention to the women at church and ended up with a list of three possibilities. I would take each one on a date and see what happens. The first date was a bust. No chemistry at all. Before I set up the second date my heart intervened.
It was a Saturday night service. Communion was being served. People were lined up on their way to the front. I received communion and was walking back to my seat when I passed Sarah in the aisle. My heart was not subtle. I never felt so much love for anyone in my life. There was no question, no room for my logical mind to protest. Sarah was the one. And, yes, she was the third person on my list.
I arranged to go over to her house a week later after Sunday service. When we were alone in the dining room I blurted it out. “God showed me that we will be married.” I’m sure that’s not all I said, but that was my message.
Sarah was a bit taken back but not intimidated. “Well God hasn’t shown that to me and I don’t have any feelings for you in that way.”
“That’s okay. If it is of God He will show you and if it isn’t, well, we don’t want it if He doesn’t.” I didn’t know it at the time but this response is what got her attention.
A week later we went on our first date to an Italian restaurant with red and white checkered tablecloths. No chaperones required.
My Comments
- Recently I was reading Matthew 7:7 and thought about the events following that night in the pool hall. The verse lays out the steps clearly. I asked for a wife, then I sought to find her, then I knocked and fulfillment opened up to me.
- Sarah and I had very little in common except our love for God and one another. We found it difficult to carry on a conversation at first. Sarah’s vocabulary was well beyond mine. She was educated, raised Quaker, and from a family with means, I grew up in a suburb 30 miles East of San Diego. I was raised Catholic, graduated from high school with C’s and D’s, lived in a dysfunctional home, and I was, God forbid, an ex-gun-carrying-marine.
- Sarah’s dad was against our marriage at first, and how could he not be?. But that is another story and Sarah wrote about it in her memoir, Born East West, which is available on Amazon.
- Our courtship was not conventional. Our dates consisted of services, midweek prayer meetings, potlucks, and other couples’ weddings.
- We’ve been married for 50 years, so I guess we’re meant for each other. We continue to grow closer and we’re able to help one another more than ever. And at our age, who doesn’t need more help?
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