My Life in the Desert
A most difficult time began in 1988 when I was thirty-two and it lasted eleven years. My mom lost her battle with cancer in November of 1988 and seven months later I left my job with Security Pacific National Bank, at my husband’s request, in an attempt to save our marriage. We were raising three boys in Twentynine Palms, California and I was motivated to keep our family together.
In April of 1990, I visited my out-of-town doctor for the first time to get a referral to a dermatologist. He took one look at my family history and sent me for a mammogram. The results: aggressive breast cancer. I began six months of chemotherapy. I never thought, why me?, or felt like a victim. Once at oncology the nurse told me, “My patient gets sick every time she gets in the elevator to come up here.” I responded, “Why doesn’t she take the stairs?” The nurse laughed and said, “That’s why you are doing so well.”
Four months into chemotherapy I decided that staying home was not helping my marriage so I went back to work with Security Pacific National Bank.
A couple of years later in August of ’92 my husband and I separated. Despite there being reasons why the marriage had suffered beyond repair, I cried and prayed and cried and prayed for seven months asking, Should I stay in this marriage or should I go on with my life? Then one morning I awoke with complete peace knowing the right choice was to leave my marriage and that everything would be okay. My prayers for guidance had been answered. Everyone around me could immediately sense a positive change in me. .
By the fall of 1993 I was divorced and all legal matters were finalized in the spring of 2000.
In 1997 I accepted a higher level job with Bank of America in Palm Desert, California. It was a 62-mile commute from Twentynine Palms but I was thankful for the job and the opportunity. I drove 124 miles each workday until December ’99, when I moved to Indio to be closer to work. Less than a year later I sold my house in Twentynine. I accepted a job in Los Angeles and moved to Studio City. So that was the end of my life in the desert.
Blessings Along the Way
Challenges can be blessings in disguise, as they bring us closer to our true nature. The more we are aware of the blessings and miracles around us, the more easily we can see, experience, and appreciate them.
The Grand Canyon
In the spring of 1995 I got the Epstein Barr virus. I felt 100-years old, but by fall I was better. I hiked with some friends on an overnight camping trip to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and then back out the next day. Some guy hiking down said, “You only have a mile to go.” I didn’t even bother to smile. I just thought, I don’t want to know! I’m just putting one foot in front of the other. Any knowledge beyond that is not encouraging! I did pretty well, especially for a 39-year-old cancer survivor :).
Glamis, California
In 1996, I was invited to meet friends in Glamis, California for New Years Eve. We would be camping and off roading with dirt bikes and sand rails. I was to call them when I got close to Glamis to find out where they set up camp. I was almost there by nightfall. I tried calling them – No Cell Service. I thought, how hard can it be? It’s a campground. I’ll find them. Upon arrival, I quickly realized there were people camped on every inch of desert, and all you could see was dust and headlights. But I didn’t think, oh no, I just knew I’d find them. I drove around a bit and a ranger pulled me over asking what I was doing. Then he laughed and said “WHEN, not IF, you don’t find your friends, you can stay at the ranger station as there are 60,000 people here.” I told him, “Thank you, but I know I will find them.” I drove around again and saw someone walk up to a general store that was closed. I wondered, why? Curious, I went up to the store.
On the outer wall was a bulletin board with paper plates tacked up. Plates read: George, we are here. Sam, we are here. I prayed, Lord, please let there be a plate for me. Then I saw it, “Colleen, look for a red light and blue ‘A’ in the sky, that’s where we are!”
Maui Marathon Run with the Whales
Spring 1998 – Through my employer I won $1,000 towards a trip to Hawaii. I had to go within a certain window of time but didn’t have anyone to go with or any additional money to fund the trip. I prayed, How can this work? Then, in the mail, came an ad from the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society for a marathon in Maui. Wow! Another prayer answered! They would pay my way to Maui and my hotel and meals for two days if I raised a certain amount of money. I was not a runner and did not have time to train, but I just knew without a doubt I could do it! They assigned a little boy with Leukemia to me. I met him and his mother. I exceeded my fundraising goal, completed the marathon, and used the $1,000 to stay in Maui for three more days.
Tango
Spring of 2000 – An elderly woman who did not bank with Bank of America and did not need financial help came to my place of employment. Luckily it was slow that afternoon and we had a nice chat. She told me she was a dancer and she lived in Monrovia, CA, a place I had never heard of. She intuitively sensed I could use some healing and told me of a place in Mexico; then she left. When I moved to Studio City in September 2000, I tried to find her, unsuccessfully. I always felt that this elderly woman was an angel.
In 2004, I started dance lessons and made a friend in class who was from Monrovia. I have always had a wide variety of interests and initially wanted to take lessons in all dance styles, but after taking lessons in Social Argentine Tango I realized I found my true passion. Tango is a partner dance. You are always connected in an embrace with another (usually very close, chest to chest).
The Latin culture is very warm and open with besos y abrazos (kisses and hugs). Everyone does it, lovers and friends alike, people of all genders. I learned to feel the embrace, the shared energy, the give and take, dancing two as one. Before tango I was not that comfortable with hugging, now I am a hugger. I have occasionally danced other types of dance, but tango is different as it is sensual, playful and innovative. Tango is danced to a variety of music and no one song is ever danced the same way. As a follower, I can close my eyes and get lost in the connection with my partner and the music, while using my feet to play. To me this is meditative, pure bliss. I am thankful I found tango and the benefits from it have carried over to other aspects of my life.
La Viruta Milonga
I had the wonderful opportunity to go to Buenos Aires with my Argentinian dance teacher who was living in Los Angeles at the time and three other women from my class. It was the best trip of my life. I had never been to Argentina and greatly enjoyed dancing at different milongas (milonga is a type of tango music, but also what they call a dance gathering).
When the trip came to an end, my teacher asked, “What did you like the most?” I answered, “The warm, friendly, humble yet proud, passionate people, the colorful art, the dancing.” Then he asked, “What surprised you the most?” To which I replied, “As soon as I walked into the La Viruta milonga I had this overwhelming feeling that I had been there before.”
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