Friday Michael lit a candle to thank God for FIRE, one of His agents of change. It can burn off fetters, equip apostles at Pentecost, and stir up change. Fire is also an essence of heat and light behind the force of creation. A few hours later fevers came. Again.
He says, “maybe the candle to fire was a mistake?” But it wasn’t. A friend randomly sent the scripture:
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. (Isaiah 43:2)
We went to the ER Friday night and waited for 4-1/2 hours but still no doctor was available. We went home to get some sleep, He was shaky in the morning and feverish again. We knew we had to go back. We asked for prayer. Amazingly when we got there we only waited 5 minutes and were admitted. All day Saturday Michael was in the ER. That day I wrote this:
It is about battle and fire. Facing things. Head on now. Brutal strength to go through ego death and letting go. An alchemical change happens: Ice, what we thought is solid, melts to water. Water evaporates into space. Finally space becomes emptiness.
In the middle, in the process, is so much comfort from the simple things like a smile or a good cup of coffee. Or sleeping actually in bed with my husband. Or the cat curled up on my belly. And then there is kindness. Kindness can be unnerving as hell. We go around with walls up, protected, busy, handling whatever crazy situation the universe has sent our way. Then someone gives you a hug or just says something like, “What about you?” And the shell cracks and you realize 2 things. 1)You are never alone in battle and 2) You do matter.
Those are big misconceptions (separateness and unworthiness). You could even call them lies. It is not true that we have to do this by ourselves. It is not true that we have to be strong. Maybe you have a feeling that you need to prove something to yourself. It is not true that we are insignificant, unworthy of affection, and perhaps it makes no difference how you feel. It makes a big difference to everyone around you if you can feel the love. Drink it in. No turning back. Accept your humanity! I was telling Michael that I “should” have more faith. He said, “I think of it this way, I am not an ascended master yet. These things take time!”
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