The hardest part of this adventure has been the ups and downs and variability in Michael’s health. I realized when we are not sick how much we rely on our bodies being there for us. We get up and walk somewhere and plan to do things and expect our bodies to perform. In his case there are moments when he seems able to do so much. His symptoms swing radically from day to day. One day he can eat a burrito with meat, beans, cheese and lettuce. The next day the same burrito gives him severe indigestion.
It is hard to plan ahead, hard to know what to expect. This keeps me guessing, almost floating, nowhere to put my mind. This journey has been this way from the beginning. He was supposed to die in June. He was in hospice; the diagnosis was brutal and final. But then he didn’t die. And he improved.
After seeing surgeons and oncologists In January and February, the diagnosis is still brutal with the added confirmation from these doctors that there is nothing they can do to make him better. It is obvious to us that we are not a statistic and that anything is possible.
This is putting me personally in a space where it behooves me to trust in Spirit and trust that we are being led together forward. It is a teaching to calm down and settle into love and allow it to permeate our lives in whatever way it sees fit.
That being said, as the week has progressed Michael is generally tired and still weak, likely from the blood infection and previous infections. When he has fevers, he has no appetite so there has been some weight loss. Yesterday was his last day of antibiotics so we are watching and waiting and hoping for the best. We are also prophylactically giving his bladder support with specific supplements.
Thankfully the leaking of bile around his right drain has slowed way down so we are back to one bandage change per day.
On Saturday I woke up feeling amazing! My hip wasn’t hurting any more. Of course, I wanted to go for a walk by the river to test it out. In January Michael would have been happy to come with me, but I had to adjust to the fact that my forever friend was not going to always be able to go with me everywhere. “Yeah, face it, Sarah.” I thought, “You better learn to do things on your own and with other people.” After crying and feeling sorry for myself, I went for a nice walk even though it was cold and a bit rainy.
Later that day Michael was well enough to go to our favorite taco joint AND a fabulous French pastry place. OK we stuffed ourselves. His digestion was no worse than mine. And the next day, Sunday, we both went with our new young friend, Jo, to her Episcopalian church. After that we met up with Dave, Hope, and Hazel along with Jo for lunch at a Thai Food restaurant. But by Monday Michael was exhausted.
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