I want to connect with ya’ll (preparing for Texas visit) before I travel to the East coast.
WHAT DOES WORSHIP EVEN MEAN?
Confession: It has been a bit of a trigger for me: showing up in a church service, singing along with the songs, well, sometimes I just sing in tongues. I have had the thought: when does this become man-worship? This is likely due to being in a community for so many years that encouraged a form of man-worship and it led nowhere good. Jesus was a man and so I wasn’t feeling comfortable worshipping him. Jesus was a teacher and an example, showing and teaching us how to love and have true compassion. He also emphasized oneness with the Father. So, what is the point of worship? It has seemed dangerous to me.
Recently I believe I came to a new understanding. On a hike with a couple of friends, one of them talked about how he loved to listen to devotional music, or kirtan, a form of music, singing, chanting that can include dance and movement. So, Christianity is not the only religion that includes devotional practices.
I am a bit addicted to “Glorious Louange” on YouTube. It is Christian worship/ praise all in French. I like to turn it on and do my qigong practice. Sometimes the qigong moves get a little more swaying and expressive to match the tunes. The words (which I only 70% understand) don’t trigger me as much. The people singing all seem so sincere, pure, and authentic.
As I was worshipping along in French-tongues, I realized that worship and Devotion is like making love. I am connecting with the divine and there is an interpenetration of sorts. I feel there is nothing better to allow into my heart than the unconditional outpouring love of the divine. My body absorbs it like a sponge.
Worshipping Jesus allows for a connection that can include transmission (Impartation) from him to me and from me to him. This can allow lasting change and growth in me.
MORE ON GRIEF:
Michael and I grew together for many years and we functioned as a unit. After his mortal death, part of my very being gone. When I go through periods of grief it is painful, almost like surgery. I am having to learn and allow myself to be rewired. Finding wholeness in my own being.
Michael is no longer on my shoulder encouraging me, he has backed away a bit. As if to say, “You can do this. On your own.”
A week ago or so I wrote this to share in a support group:
MY GRIEF IS LIKE:
My grief is like curtains, that naturally fold, hanging over windows. They can be pushed to the side to allow the sun to shine through. But always, no matter how much sun there is, there are those folds of darkness, lurking, waiting for the moment when: a breeze blows, someone mentions a memory, the moon is in Saturn, who knows what? But then I feel awful. It may lurk for a few hours kind of hinting it wants to come to the surface. Then when I finally take time with it, I cry, I pray, and ask for mercy and compassion, to me and through me to others. Then the pain is gone and life presents itself to me in the now and with its many possibilities.
I am also seeing how the whole population is living with grief. It could be from a lost loved one or many lost loved ones, but also it could be from lives falling apart, losing jobs, dreams, friends, a community, or what we consider to be a safe world to live in. The deepest grief is mourning the apparent separation from God. Thich Naht Han says that the separation is an illusion.
Maybe a place to start is to at least share the grief. We are never alone.
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