Hello all:
Michael passed away today 12/30/2024 at around 1:30 pm PST.
The last few days have been a well-orchestrated master piece. John McMullen came Friday afternoon. Dave had picked him up at the airport and brought food for our lunch together. Saturday our young friends gathered and sang music to Michael, passing around the guitar. We ate food and just spent time with him. Although he couldn’t talk or move his face much, he responded by lifting his hands for applause and appreciation.
Sunday, our anniversary, was more of the same. Dave and Hope and Hazel came down bringing food at lunch. He seemed to be in more pain, so the doctor upped his dosage of pain meds. Then he became still and tranquil but kept going with a strong rhythmical breathing, almost like he was on a respirator.
Then we did a ritual with just the family members after everyone was gone. Our friend Anna (a chaplain of sorts) had brought a brass bowl to ring and essential oils. So it was just us, and gave everyone in the family the opportunity to say what needed to be said to him and anoint him wherever they felt led (feet- hands-head). Hazel finally got to cry.
All through the night he was peaceful. Not asking for any more pain meds, but laying very still and breathing. Then I read to him in the morning from the book he was reading on the Celtic Christ. Afterwards, in my mind he was telling me things about the house. I thought I better write them down.
He said, “Just take your time with the house projects. It is art, not a rush thing. See it in your mind and then methodically step by step work it out.” (Pretty sure he was talking about replacing the old shed in the backyard and landscaping around it.) He kept on: “As far as the finances go, approach then with interest and persistence. Give away all my stuff, I don’t need it.” Here he paused and I felt his smile. I have been insecure in how I was caring for him—self-doubting away. He assures me that it is all fine and he felt well cared for. Then he says, “Look at the house as a living being with all the systems and parts – like the electrical, the plumbing, and the HVAC. All the systems need to be maintained. Get help to clean the gutters.”
So yes, he is not gone, and I am sure he will be giving his opinions as needed.
Then John read to him Matthew 12 and recited the Lord’s Prayer and Psalm 23, after which he and I had a long God talk, which was good—sharing our beliefs. At some point John was in playing the piano for him. The nurse showed up for her visit just after 1:30 and John was looking at Michael saying, he is gone, he stopped breathing. The nurse, Mackenzie, confirmed that his heart had stopped. It was a shock, even though we knew it was going to happen. I just had a hard time believing that he was gone and not breathing in that body any more.
The timing was perfect—Mackenzie got rid of all the meds and started to clean up the body. I decided to do it with her. Mackenzie said that volunteers make these beautiful hand knitted washcloths to do the job. We washed him with soap and fragrant lavender oil. It helped so much to touch him again. I was no longer afraid to touch him. I was honoring the temple, the body that had carried the amazing spirit that Michael is for so many years. He still looks so handsome to me, even in death with no makeup. Hah!
We saw large double rainbows outside yesterday (our anniversary) while we were all gathered. At the same time Amanda, in Texas, was taking pictures of some intensely colored rainbows she was seeing. So the rainbow is the promise of a new beginning—start afresh.
Thank you all for being with me on this journey. I appreciate you all so much. Food just always shows up when we need it.
I am sure there will be an epilogue or two.
Also, we will have a memorial, not sure when, but we have a place picked out where we can do a live stream, so that will be available.
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