Half way between the winter solstice and the spring equinox is a very old Celtic tradition called Imbolc. In 2025 this occurred last Sunday night and the neighbors directly to my south have been celebrating this day (right around ground hogs day) for over thirty years. Hazel was spending the night with me and we were invited. Their tradition is to burn the greens from the winter solstice. (a.k.a. wreaths and Christmas trees) Those who gathered (probably around 15 people including children) were our neighbors. It was dark and hard to see. I did have to use my phone to not trip on rocks on the way into the backyard. The woman of the house suggested we each could take a branch symbolizing what we wanted to drop and let go of in our lives and throw it in the fire. Then watch it burn dissolving to ash. I did that. My intent was to let go of the trauma from caretaking. We stayed until the large Christmas trees were thrown on the fire and burned about 30 feet high into the sky at their peak. Very dramatic!
In the morning Hazel’s neck went out (sleeping wrong?) and she was in a lot of pain. It was too painful to get her to lay down on her back so I could massage her. I finally picked her up (not a small girl any more) and laid her down on her back amidst cries of pain. I used traction and heat and was able to help a bit, and she managed to sit up without pain. She got dressed gingerly with help. We did get to go thrifting together but I had to help her out of the car. On the way home we drove over a speed bump that made her neck slip out again. It brought back the feeling of be in the caretaking position I had been in. Associated with that trauma is death. The next morning after she had gone home, I was a mess. I felt like Hazel, the light of my life, was going to die. Then I realized that it must be PTSD. I had been triggered and believed something completely unreasonable. Then I realized that this is what I had asked for! To be freed from this trauma. I sat with it, confessed it and did the best I could to let it go to God and to allow trust and love and goodness to flow back into me. Again, I was impressed with the importance of making space in my psyche for God and letting go of fears and dreams that are not what is best. I felt tremendous relief when I realized it was simply an answer to prayer and Hazel would be fine!
At some point in the middle of the night I realized I haven’t been able to relax in a long time. I had to go back to a time in LA after we left the church, when I felt my insides were releasing like blossoms slowly falling to the earth from the trees.
I have been on a charge forward learning how to care for the house and cars, working out finances with all these things and planning for the memorial. I haven’t stopped to rest and relax and let go and consider what my new life is to be. Thankfully the classes I teach are wonderful and I meet all kinds of great new people every quarter as they are interested in working with qigong and self-healing. I also have had more time to take a deep dive into studying more with my own teachers, taking online classes.
This morning, I was still working on dissolving and I realized that my mind often runs off in a spin of trying to figure things out and trying to plan things. Then I heard that calm inner voice: “A busy speeding mind is a sign of stress…get up today slowly. Take your time. Calm your mind so you can notice things.” I asked, “Will you help me?” The answer came back quickly. “You bet I will!” I was also given the impression that if I can truly be still and calm the path is smoother to trust God and go with the natural flow of the Holy Spirit.
Now the words of wisdom come back to me that I heard months ago. “Choose wisely choose joy.” What is joy? It undergirds everything. It is the joy of creation. It happens when looking beyond the small, the unimportant, the passing clouds, the passing breeze. Joy comes when I can see the whole, not the partial. This happens when I can realize that I myself, encompass eternity via the Spirit of God within. This requires release and letting go of the truly unimportant things so there is space to see I can encompass everything all within my being.
Thich Nhat Han explains the continuum of life using clouds as an example. They appear to go away but really, they become something else: rain, snow, or a cup of tea. All continues. People die but they continue in different forms most often in their loved ones.
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